From early on in my family’s attendance at Covenant, it was very clear that there was no “children’s church” during the service, and that plan was very intentional. We loved and appreciated that there was a place for these little theologians in the sanctuary with the grownups. We’d attended a church previously that strongly discouraged the presence of children in the sanctuary. The church service was a time for adults, and wiggles and noises from little ones were distractions from the very important message being delivered from the stage. I remember a Sunday when our now four-year-old was just a few months old, and I just wanted to keep her with me. As hundreds of people filled the sanctuary and Abby slept in my arms, I looked around and realized not a single other child or baby was in the room, and I was getting some side-eye glances and raised eyebrows. I ended up taking her to the nursery, and of course, she was fine, but I was not.
Fast forward a few years to our first Sunday morning at Covenant, and that sweet sleeping baby was now three and a half. She was also in the process of being diagnosed with autism. We told her all about how we were going to church: we would sit in our seats, we would sing songs, and we would be quiet. From the minute she walked through those giant doors, that sweet girl whispered. She did not, however, have the slightest interest in sitting still. Very shortly into the sermon, we made our way to the quiet room, where she walked around and climbed in and out of seats for the rest of the service. This continued for the next several Sundays. That feeling of my baby not being welcome had left an impression on me from our previous church, and I was trying very hard for her to be neither seen nor heard.
As I filled out pages and pages of rating scales as part of Abby’s diagnosis process, one of the questions asked if she was able to sit still during a religious service. I laughed out loud. I actually posted a picture of that on my Instagram story, and I got several replies from other young mothers, “No one’s child sits still during a religious service!!”
Now she’s even bigger and just as committed to whispering during church, but she’s still very busy. She stands when we all stand, and she holds a bulletin when we all hold a bulletin. When we all settle in for the sermon, that’s when mom-mode goes into full gear. I spend the next thirty minutes very quietly encouraging her to sit still, helping her with the activities in our Little Theologians bulletin, and trying to find productive ways to keep her busy before she finds her own much less productive and much more distracting entertainment. I’ve heard very little of a sermon in the last few months. For a while, I felt like I was probably the only parent completely ignoring Pastor John’s sage words. Recently though, I’ve had a few conversations with other sweet mothers in the church about this, and it turns out we’re all in the exact same boat (as usually happens with matters of motherhood).
I’ve had a shift in perspective in recent weeks regarding Sunday morning worship, and through a lot of thought and prayer, here is where I have landed:
- It is not only normal but totally okay that I am more focused on my child than on the sermon during church. I can go back and listen to the words later - thanks to the wonders of technology and our church website. In this stage of motherhood, my primary role on a Sunday morning is teacher, not student.
- I’ve been reminded that our little ones are absorbing far more than we think they are, even though it feels like the words from the pulpit are so far over their heads. This past Sunday, as we stood for the final hymn, Abby whispered, “Okay, one more song, and then it’s time to go like this!” and raised her sweet little hands in the air. She’s always watching, eager to follow the examples of the adults in her life, even if she doesn’t understand exactly what we’re doing. It’s so easy to feel that the way your children are right now at this age is the way they will be forever, but oh how quickly they grow and learn!
On the flip side, please don’t feel like it is required to keep all of your children next to you for the entire duration of the service. Some mornings you just need to sit in a quiet room for an hour and be fed yourself (as they say - you cannot pour from an empty cup!). We have a beautiful nursery full of wonderful volunteers for your newborn to thirty-six-month-old babies. My own four-month-old spends every Sunday morning there! The quiet room in the sanctuary is a wonderful place to sit with your littles who haven’t yet mastered sitting still and whispering. We have two beautiful and comfortable rooms for nursing mothers - one in the quiet room in the sanctuary and one by the nursery. I don’t ever want any parent to feel the way I felt that Sunday morning when I just wanted to be with my baby and felt like I couldn’t be. We want you and your babies to feel comfortable and cared for, wherever you are during worship!
To my fellow parents out there on a Sunday morning who are opening crayons, digging for snacks, and quietly pleading with squirmy toddlers to just sit still - know that you are not alone! We are a Covenant family, not a Covenant group of adults. Your children, with all their whispers and wiggles, are welcome here!
